Why am I running?

I am determined. 

So I've started running.  Anyone who knows me probably finds this a little odd.  I've never really been like this before.  I'm kind of a lazy, actually...

Just a little over a year ago, my pregnancy with Baby V took a turn for the worse.  Actually, the pregnancy was relatively fine, but my body was fighting it every step of the way.  In addition to insulin dependent gestational diabetes, I developed a bizarre case of mastitis that resulted in surgery, bed rest, and kept me out of work for the rest of the pregnancy.  I was literally the teacher who never returned from Christmas vacation.

January was the worst month.  As a side effect of the infection, I developed weird bruise-like lesions up and down both of my legs from my ankles up to my knees.  It was excruciating to walk.  Getting up in the morning was the worst -- I would essentially crawl to the bathroom, sit on the toilet for 5 minutes or so while letting the blood flow into my legs, and then slowly stand up and hobble around.  Eventually things would get moving enough that I could sort of walk around. It was painful; it was weird; it was demoralizing.

yes, those were my feet

One morning during that painful time, while driving my kids to their preschools, I saw a woman running and thought to myself, She doesn't know how lucky she is that she can do that.  It felt like I would never be able to do anything like that.

Have I always been into running?  Definitely no. In high school, I played field hockey and loved it, but loathed the running.  Run a lap around the field to warm up? Hated it.  Run a few miles for conditioning? Definitely hated it.  Want to join the track team with all of my friends? Nope, it involved running.  I could do it, I just hated it. I liked the feeling of exercise and loved when my body felt strong, but running was just not for me. Periodically throughout my young adult life, I would take up running and it would last exactly one day.  Ten minutes would feel like ten years and all I could think about was when it would be over. 

There has always been one exception to this hatred of all things running related.  At my family summer house there is one route that I have always enjoyed.  Starting around the age of 14, I began to use it to get in shape for field hockey season.  It is rather strange that this short 2 mile run is one I have always enjoyed. It’s on a busy road, but also along the water, which seemed to make up for the fast moving cars.  I would get home and jump into the lake feeling refreshed and strong.  When I was 25 I spent a lot of time at this house and ran a few times a week -- more than I had in years.  Summer ended, however; and I just couldn't find that same groove, that same motivation, the same route that kept me going.  It was around this time that I met Pa and he loves to mention, "Remember when I thought you were a runner?" Ha.  The fact that there was this one place where I could run means that the seed of success is somewhere inside of me.  It just might have taken some extra digging for it to be revealed.

Here I am running my first 5k with my dad many moons ago...

I am still early into this new running gig but I really think it's going to stick.  There's just something I feel inside of me that tells me this is it.  The second week has been harder than the first  - and it's been bitterly cold - but I have my warm gear, and I have that memory of seeing that woman running and thinking that I'd never be able to do that.  My goal is to run a half marathon in May and I really think I'm going to do it.  I know what it felt like to spend hours a day on the couch because I had to - and I'll be remembering that when I cross that finish line.  Or any finish line - it really doesn't matter. Every day that I'm out there running it's for me - to be strong, to get stronger, and to feel good. That's all that really matters.

I am determined.